concave.

Sometimes I feel like I'm collapsing into myself. Like my whole body is imploding. I get so stressed out that I can't even think. It's probably why I've been on every kind of anti-depressant and anti-anxiety medication for the past year. It's okay. I'm not embarrassed. I have serious psychiatric issues. You can see it on my wrists.

I realize that that is extremely personal. No one really knows about it and I usually try to keep a smile on my face. It's not like I try and hide the scars. They are a part of what makes me, me. I do catch a few people staring every once in a while and a  few gasps here and there. If you know me, you'll probably try and sneak a little peek. That's okay too.

I'm not trying to scream out my problems for everyone to read. I just feel like, little by little, I want people to understand why I am the way I am. I'm a little crazy, but at least I can be around sharp objects now.

That joke was in bad taste.

I feel dirty blogging right now...

My boyfriend and my best friend are in the car. I like harassing them about girly stuff because they are both kind of manly... Well my best friend more than my boyfriend. They get so annoyed with me. But then again so does everyone. I think it's because I don't know what is socially appropriate to say. Thats why I am so awkward and creepy. Oh well, live and let live.

Gluten gluttony.

Today I'm getting my blood test done for celiac disease. So I gave to scarf done tons of baked goods and bread. It sounds fun, but it hurts like a mofo in the end. Oh well, could be worse. Two food allergies isn't as bad as it could be.


By the way, I did this on my new iPhone. So life is still good haha.

real life.

Ever since I decided on college, my mom has been SUPER ECU MOM. Like, everything she's been getting me is yellow, purple, and pirate themed. It's too much. But, I also kind of love it. It feels nice for her to be proud of me for once.

It's Christmas Eve. Everything has gone well today. I'm truly happy. I love everything and everyone in my life.

EXCEPT THIS:

I work at a high end jewelry store. HIGH END. Like silver, gold, precious and rare gemstones. BUT, we don't have diamonds. They are a liability. SORRY. Welllllllll, this woman comes in.
I greet her with my happy christmas attitude.
she looks at me and just starts looking around the store.
whatever, a lot of people do that.
but then she asks if I have pearl.
I direct her to our pearl case.
She says "no, no, no. I mean like expensive pearls. the nice stuff."
I reply with "Well, we don't have freshwater pearls, but the saltwater pearls are the same quality..."
She says "Is there a real jewelry store in this town?"
THE FUCK?
I told her to try the outlets. Paz out bitch.

Us Against the World

You know that song Us Against the World by Katy Perry? Well it says "makeout in your mustang to radiohead". Annnnnndddddd that was my night. Too personal? Oh well.
It was just funny because my boyfriend and I were just, you know, doing our thing, and a policeman shined a flashlight into the car and yelled at us. It was unbelievably awkward and really embarrassing, but at the same time, it was really funny. I mean, I thought that only happened in movies.

It was a good night though. And I'm still feeling happy hours later.
Honestly, it has been a while since that's happened. But I'm enjoying every moment of now.

today.

I can't even count the number of blogs I have started. Well, I could, but numbers have never been my friends.

I guess I'll start off by saying a bit about myself... I'm awkward. I'm confident. I'm insecure. I'm loud. I'm shy. I'm impossibly unlikable. I'm lovable. I'm ugly. I'm a 10.

Honestly, I don't know the truth about me. But maybe, throughout this blog, I'll discover the truth.

-----------------------------------------yep------------------------------------------------------
I am currently dealing with a lot of romantic, academic, emotional and medical issues.

Romance:
-I have a boyfriend who I like a lot.
-Sometimes, I don't really know if he likes me all that much. Even as a person.

Academia:
-I am really. really. REALLY. bad at math. So I'm failing Pre-Calc.
-I will be attending ECU in the fall, granted that I don't fail.

Emotions:
-I have been diagnosed as crazy.
-I feel like that's reason enough.

Health:
-I'm allergic to glitter, pet dander, lactose and gluten.
- I've had to wear a knee brace most of senior year because of my lack of cartilage in my left knee.


That's enough about me for today. Tell me about you.