this is many strands of many thoughts, loosely bound by a common purpose

The main reason I stopped blogging was because I became afraid too many people were going to read it. I'm over that. In fact, I want people to read it. I want my quirks and inner workings to be known. Let me start out by saying that I'm a little crazy and a lot emotional. I sound like all 18 year old girls right? I probably am. But here is what makes me unique... I think anyway. I've said this before, but I don't believe in love. However, companionship is my passion. I crave it. It's what I think makes the world spin. It's the end-all be-all. It's what everyone wants. Do you think this is love? No. You can find companionship in anything. In  people, in books, in food, in politics, in blogging for christ's sake. I truly believe that companionship is that feeling in your gut that tells you that you aren't alone on this rotating mass of dirt. Can you think of anything more important in life? I truly can't. I do believe that there is more than one thing on this earth that can grant you companionship which is what makes it different than "love". I find companionship in a lot of things. Granted, it has lead me to make a great amount of poor life decisions, but I wouldn't change anything. I think we all want a person to give us our companionship. If you have the person who actually does, consider yourself equal to a millionaire. To be honest, I don't think anyone I've ever dated has made me feel like the way I want to feel. No person has ever convinced me that someone has my back out there. I'm not saying this to be sad or whatever but its true. I have felt this comfort though. When I watch one of Elizabeth Taylor's movies when I get into a fight with whoever I'm fancying at the time or when I read Oscar Wilde at 2 o' clock in the morning because I can't put it down even though I've read it ten thousand times before or how I still get goosebumps when I listen to Fleet foxes regardless of the fact that they have been on repeat on my iPod since the 10th grade. THAT to me is what true happiness feels like. Those are the things that keep me going, that stop me from cutting again or from taking too many allergy pills. I used to do stupid things to escape from the sadness the world can sometimes force upon you, now you just have to find those few things that keep life bearable. Don't let yourself get sucked into the belief that you're either really happy or really depressed. Sometimes its okay to coast.