Serious post is serious.

It's really a strange thing when you think something and then it turns out to be true. Starting in April I always joked around about having a brain tumor. Not in a disrespectful way to cancer patients but in hypochondriac way. April is when my terrible migraines started. They'd last for 3 days at a time and practically paralyze me. I pushed thoughts of serious problems aside and enjoyed the rest of my senior year and summer.

Fast forward to August when I'm a freshman in college. My symptoms have gotten worse. The migraines are even more painful than before and are more frequent. I tell myself it's still nothing.

Now it's October and I have had a migraine for 12 days. I have repeated loss of vision in my left eye (it'll just go dark for a few minutes) and blurred vision. Also I faint roughly twice a week. My body is weak and my appetite is disappearing. Since arriving in August I have lost 17 lbs. Not exactly the typical freshman fifteen.

I finally went to a doctor and life got real. She told me that I need to see a neurologist because it's likely there is something in my brain. She gave me medicine to dull the pain.

Anyway, I'm not saying I have a tumor, but the chances I do are high. This is one of the scariest things I've ever dealt with.

In middle school this kid called me "Toomer" since my last name is Toomey. That nickname wasn't funny then and it's really not funny now.

surprise.

There's a common theme in my posts. Whiny love blah blah blahhh. SORRY. But it's true. The reason I blog about it so much is because it's unknown. I am generally science-brained person. I respect facts and scientific proof but with love there really isn't any. I'm not going to eat my own words and say that love truly exists. Because I don't know. I don't what this love thing is. All of my theories on it are crashing around me. I'm not saying that I'm necessarily in love. I feel like I'd be 100% certain if I was. But maybe it's because I'm afraid that I'll be the only one falling in love. I know he cares about me. I know our relationship works. But I drive myself crazy because I start to myself the opposite. I'm afraid that the distance will make him start to resent me. I'm terrified to rely on someone. I have been independent in everything I do since I was a kid, because I had to be. I'm so scared to get hurt and I think that fear is going to be what hurts me.